© Dot Schwenke

Now Auntie Flo, our maiden aunt, was kept well in the know.
She was a gossip of renown, her efforts never slow.
She loved the phone, the party line.She’d listen to each call.
Then mail was brought in twice a week, with letters for us all.

Those letters that we loved to read, well Flo enjoyed them more.
We never found a hiding place and vengeance soon I swore.
Girlfriends and I, we hatched a plan, we’d give aunt Flo a read
The two girls took on male pen names.We slowly sowed each seed.

Friend Kath said she’d coordinate, for should our plan succeed,
we’d have to keep the story straight -we planned the code we’d need.
Well, I taught in a distant town,Flo kept tabs on me.
When I came home on holidays, well then, she spied with glee.

And when those holidays came round, our plans were set to go.
We couldn’t wait to set in train, our first joke on AuntFlo.
The mail came in those letters bold, from Ben and then from Clyde.
My cheeks were pink. I dare not think, such things these words implied!

Those innuendos that they wrote, no statement ever clear.
They hinted of those moonlight nights, soft skin and more. Oh dear!
The sort of things that they implied, I couldn’t tell you now.
To think I led, the life I read, my mind would not allow!

Now torn between embarrassment and vengeance on Aunt Flo.
I trembled as I read each page.Please let their ardour slow!
I begged them, “Ease it up a bit. I’d never go that far!”
Those girls were having so much fun and tarnishing my star.

I knew it all got out of hand when Aunt Flo went to Gran.
and I was asked to,“Please explain, two timing and my plan!”
Well, could my plight get any worse? I ask you to decide.
I met a boy and we were wed.You guessed, his name was Clyde!

And though he tries his best with Flo, approval he can’t win.
For Aunt Flo our aunt has branded him, as one who led me into sin.
And sometimes when I catch her eye,that look,“If looks could kill.”
but even worse than her eye curse. I’m not named in her Will!